It's been a loooong time. Life must be going well, because I tend to only write when it isn't. And yet, I have so much on my mind - not bad, not good - just thoughts that need a place to be expressed.
I wanted to write last night, but I am sick and I ran out of energy, Getting an early start tonight.
So friends have been on my mind this week. I spent an amazingly fun weekend this past one with 4 other friends in Ogunquit. Let me preface this by saying, I am generally not all that comfortable traveling in groups. I have my control issues, and I need to be able to do what I want, even if it's not what the group wants to do. And that has often caused problems, because others have expectations that I should just be going along with things. (But I do what I want anyway).
So I hadn't been away with a group in quite some time, and I decided to be open to just doing whatever everyone wanted to do. Well. it all worked out great. And the bonus? So everyone but me was an early to bed, early to rise kind of gal - SO not me. And the great thing was that I didn't get all pissy when they were ready to call it a night, and they didn't get all pissy when I chose to stay out late on my own. I like to call that a win/win situation.
Now I know to some of you, this is not a big deal. You are sitting there going, "yeah, so"? But it is, because it got me to thinking about the quality of people I allow into my life. This is not to say that I think I am better than anyone (ok maybe sometimes), but I don't mean it in a judgmental way. I mean it in a "what are you bringing to the table" kind of way. I have too often in my life found myself in circles of people who are all about drama and dysfunction. I have worked hard to overcome that and just say no to it. And so, it was a BIG DEAL to find myself with a group of friends who are so like minded! Wow! It only goes to show that the universe listens and brings us what we ask for.
So. Now I find myself struggling with a couple of friendships that are just not working. All I can really do is let go and hope they sort themselves out. And that makes me sad. But, I have arrived at a place in my life where I know it is not all up to me to make a friendship work, it is a 2 way street. I've said this before - we put our time, attention and energy into the things that matter the most. Truly we do. And that is how it should be. And, I have to be honest here. I have not put my share of time and attention into one particular friendship. So, where does that leave things if neither party are just not all that into it? I guess all I can do is just wait and see.
I'm not convinced that I am a great friend. I think I missed a few social skills along the way. I try, but now and then I come up short.
Anyway,. Life is good. It has been for some time, and for this I am grateful. I have amazing people in my life. I have a good job. I have a great place to live. I am in good health. I have a terrific family. If there was one thing I would change it would be to just slow things down. There is so much I want to do and I just want to savor every moment and not be rushing from one thing to the next. Oh and maybe I would also like to be a better housekeeper. I used to be practically anal about keeping the house clean. What happened?