Mondays suck...

Rusty had another seizure today. His third one since July. He will see the vet next week. I am very scared. The last time I took a doggie to the vet thinking everything was fine, she didn't come home with me. I just can't go through that again. And, I have no reason to think it's anything bad, but you know, the mind tends to latch on to what it knows and I have been a mess today. So much so that I have practiced mindfulness mediation at every red light today and I am listening to calming/healing music. Rusty is fine. He met me at the door tail a-waggin' and
full of energy.

I am soooooo tired of not mastering this whole money thing. I wish I could stick with it and figure out where the blocks are. I resent that I work hard all week and yet live from paycheck to paycheck. And I shouldn't really complain, I am so much better off than many in this world.

Zuni is getting big. She is going to be an awesome cat. If she survives kittenhood. Just kidding. Yes, she has her wild moments but she really is a love. She loves to snuggle, and best of all, she doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night.

New TV shows I am watching - Journeyman. Life. Private Practice. Big Shots. Moonlight.

Old TV shows I still watch - ER. Grays Anatomy. Brothers and Sisters. Desperate Housewives
(only because Dana Delaney is on it this year). Men In Trees. Las Vegas. House. Rescue Me
(wasn't the season finale disappointing?). The Office.

I miss singing. Alot.

I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Thank god!!

I find that there are people in my life who are falling away because of that. Not tons, but a couple. I know there is one person in particular, who I love dearly. I don't think they read this blog. Anyway, I used to be the kind of person who would drop anything and everything, for a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g a friend might need. Anything. At a moment's notice. I'm not that way anymore. I think of myself now. So the other day, someone called who needed some computer help. And you know, I already had promised myself a weekend free of any obligations. So I left this person a message and said I would be happy to help them, but it would have to wait til Monday. And I asked them to email some info so I could do some research and see if it was even something I could fix. I heard nothing back. And, as I have learned so well from the Four Agreements - I am not taking this personally.

Life really is good. This is just the Fall Funk™. Kinda. And not totally. I'm feeling a little bit stuck.

I want to go crawl into a bear hole for a couple of months and hibernate. Walk, sleep, bathe,
eat, knit. That's it. Have someone deliver the groceries, take a (paid) sabbatical from
working, not have to take care of any of the details of life. Dream on.

Let's see...positive...hmmm...yeah, you know, sometimes a girl just needs to bitch...

Ya know, I wanted to change my little up countdown thing at the top there...and when I clicked on it and went to www.tickerfactory.com...all it is offering me is trying to conceive and ovulation tickers...ummmmmm...what kind of a message is this?? And truthfully - if you are trying to conceive, do you really need to annouce this to the world on your blog?