Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
Dear Greys Anatomy,
We came very close to breaking up last night. I was ready to walk away. As we sat there last night and you once again let me down after promising me so much more, I was actually composing a break up letter to you. I mean, I felt so cheap and so used. Once again you had reeled me in, and once again you just weren’t delivering. That whole come here – no go away thing, you know, it just doesn’t work for me.
In the beginning I felt like we belonged together. You brought out the best in me and I gave you my all. I know they say long distance relationships are hard, and perhaps that is what has caused us to drift apart. I mean, we barely saw each other over the summer…and I supposed I should have seen it then. Everything seemed so – been there, done that, you know?
And then boom – you walked back into my life 3 weeks ago. The anticipation of our being together again left me excited and I felt alive again. And then, there you were, looking as good as you ever had. But it didn’t take long for me to feel as though something just wasn’t right. We weren’t “clicking” like we used to. You seemed nervous and irritable and, well, just not yourself. I wondered if something happened while we were apart…did you have a summer fling with a new writer or something? When you left I felt oddly disappointed.
So I spent the next week searching my soul, wondering if it was something I did, wondering if perhaps I had set my expectations a little too high. I finally decided that, well, everyone has their off nights, and that it was bound to happen. And we touched base during the week and it seemed like you were your old self again. You were such a tease! I thought there was a chance that last Thursday would be right up there as one of the best nights ever. You practically promised!! But no. Once again, you were moody, and unpredictable, and – yes, I hate to say it – whiny. And so we said a rather cool goodnight last week. I think you sensed something was up, because you really turned on the charm. And you kept it up all week long – flashing me a preview when I wasn’t expecting it and leaving me all flustered. But still, something just wasn’t feeling right. It felt like we had lost the magic.
I know we both agreed to having this open relationship – you know I’m seeing others and I know you are too. And that seems to have worked out well, because well, I thought we really went out of our way to make each other feel more special than all the others. We have our “date night” every Thursday at 9pm and I have never rescheduled it. And I’ve had offers. In fact, I didn’t want to tell you this, but The Office has been trying to win me over and grab “our” spot. They are starting to feel a little put out that I’m always there for you, and they get recorded and I see them when I can squeeze them in. And, I was tempted. Yesterday afternoon I was seriously thinking of teaching you a lesson and recording you instead. I wanted to send you the message that you can be replaced. I didn’t follow through though. You started in with the being all nice and flirty and I just couldn’t do it. So when 9:00 came around, I showed up. And, it didn’t take me long to start to have my doubts. I found myself wondering what Jim and Pam were up to instead of listening to you whine some more. Oh, there were a couple of moments there that showed the promise of old times, but it was just too little, too late.
Halfway through our date I had decided that this was it, I was done. And at the very last possible moment, there you were. My heart skipped a beat. You had saved the best for last. Those words are still echoing in my head today. “I slept with Izzy.” There is was. THAT is what had been missing all this time. The magic returned. You had to leave shortly after that, but you did leave me quite a few promises of what is to come that have me pretty worked up. But, when the afterglow of our time together faded, the doubts were back. You’ve been making these promises all along. But then you leave me cold. What do I do?
So after thinking it over, I have decided that the only way we can continue on together is for you to keep this one promise. The girl fight. It needs to happen next week. Callie and Izzy. Bring it baby. If you can’t, then go ahead and find someone else to tease. I’m done. Yeah, ultimatums suck, but I don’t think I am being unreasonable. And don’t bother pulling the McDreamy card on me, you know that doesn’t work.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sometimes...no, I'd even go out on a limb and say often, there is a treasure to take with oneself out of a situation that - well - for lack of a better word, pretty much sucked. And, I have a few of those gems from that church experience. A couple of very dear friends. A great experience being a youth advisor and (I hope) making a difference for some teens. And there is one gem that really stands out for me.
Back in 2001 - 2002, when I was attending church nearly every Sunday, I joined the church choir. Now at the time, I was living in Londonderry. There was a couple who belonged to the church - they were pretty old, I guess I figured around 80 at the time, but they were very active in the church, in fact, they were part of the glue that kind of held the place together. Every Sunday they were there. And one of them belonged to the choir. For reasons unknown to me, he didn't drive. The wife always drove them. And, well, sometimes we had to be there early for practice, or stay late. And the wife approached me and asked if I would be willing to provide rides for her husband so he could attend practice. At the time I was unemployed, and even though it was a teeny bit out of the way, I was the one person who lived closest to them and by a slight stretch of the imagination, you could even say they were "on my way" (if driving about 10 miles out of the way counts as "on the way").
And so, for the good part of a year I drove my friend back and forth most Sundays (except for one time we were doing some evening thing and I remember his wife packed us both supper - roast pork sandwiches with applesauce - omg, best thing I ever ate!!). And we developed quite the friendship. He talked about so many things. He was such a gentle and wise person, with a smile for all and a very special way of looking at life. He saw this Earth as a treasure, and was an active voice in his community for things like preservation. For me, our rides were like being in this little bubble. He had this energy that just made ya feel good for no reason, just being around him. He lived a very full and satisfied life and he touched alot of people on his journey.
My friend...his journey ended last weekend at the age of 93. I hope he slipped peacefully away into wherever it is that we journey to next. I found out about it in a really random way.
And now I am trying to decide what I want to do. I will make a donation in his memory to Star Island Corporation. And, there is a service being held on Saturday at the church. Part of me wants to go. I mean, really wants to go. And there is also the part that just doesn't want to have to deal with some of the people that will be there. And I hate that about myself. It shouldn't matter who is going to be there, right? There is no law that says I have to engage in conversations I would rather not have, or converse with people I don't want to, right? There is just this part of me that wants to be invisible in situations like this. Oy. To the point where I am going back and forth between going and not going. I guess I'll just keep praying about it and I'll know in the moment what makes the most sense to do.
The thing is, there are only a handful of people who have touched my life like that, and I would like to honor that.
K, sorry for such a downer of a post! Other than this, life is good. I gotta take some new pictures of Zuni and Rusty this weekend, they are so cute together. Zuni has been perched on the desk while I have been typing this - first eating, now bathing, with a time out in there for a snuggle with mom. I swore a few years ago that I would never have cats again. Oh, I've had some wonderful kitties in my life, but I also had kind of a bad experience after living with too many cats. So, I'm going to keep it at one cat and one dog.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The other thing I just don't get are the people who stand at busy intersections holding signs for the candidate they endorse while they wave. Is that supposed to make me want to vote for your candidate? Because it doesn't. I also don't get the whole calling voters and asking them to vote for a certain candidate. It seems like a waste of time and money. But that's just me. I vote for the person I like the most, based on a rather randomly exact formula I have used - a combination of what my gut tells me and a little bit of information. Now, I will vote, and I have already made my choice on who will get my vote. But honestly, if that candidate doesn't win, anyone will be better than that Shrub.
So I am home watching my boys get ready to play Game 1 of the ALDS. No knitting for me tonight (I know, 2 weeks in a row!!) but I just couldn't bear to miss the game. And once we get past the World Series, I will be back in the Wednesday night swing to get me through the winter until the Boys come back in April.
Going to attempt to make some progress on my Lilac sock tonight. I did manage to get the Forest Canopy Shawl back in sync and will work on that some more this weekend. I seem to do best working on it first thing in the morning while I'm having my coffee, and definitely can't work on it while watching TV or talking. I'm really wanting to start some new projects - I have some DK weight Peace Fleece that wants to be socks, the Endpaper Mitts that I'm making as a surprise for someone, another Booga Bag (need to get the yarn for that though) and I also want to cast on for Cozy. Oh yeah, and there is my sweater that I haven't touched in months because it is too hot to knit a sweater. Yup, it's October 3rd at 6:38 pm and the temperature is 73 and it's very humid. I'm glad I never got around to putting the fans away last weekend. This has been the warmest fall I can ever remember. I haven't worn any long sleeves yet!
k, off to watch the game...
*my name for our current president